Do you wonder what God was thinking when he gave you your SN child?

[Cadam]

I can't possibly be the best parent for her. I get so angry, I yell too much. I don't want to be like that. I worry about how it affects the other children. All of the normal parenting advise, from one end of the opinions to the other, are completely useless.

She often yells things like "I hate you and I'll always hate you. I am never talking to you ever ever again!!!" I have become somewhat calloused to this. It is just part of my world, although I never imagined such a a thing before I had this child.

Tonight my baby, my sweet snugly 2yo got mad and said "hate you!" to me.I know she is just repeating what she has heard from my SN child and I know she doesn't really understand but man, it was like getting punched in the stomach.:cry:

I think God was having an off day when he made these decisions.

[2lplvr]

:hug:

I have asked myself the same questions. Obviously God knows more about what we have to give our children than we do.
We trust Him and continue to do our best.

[Cindy M.]

What does "SN" stand for. I read your post over and over and I have no idea.


Prayers for you both though.

[FabTXMomma]

I believe SN stands for special needs, Cindy.

To answer the OP, I have stated on here over and over again that I don't believe God is the author of disability. We live in a fallen world, with sin, and that also means disease and disability. Neither of these are handed out by God as some sort of lottery prize.

I know I'm in the minority. That has been made *very* clear.

Read the story in John 9 about the man "blind from birth."
The disciples ask Jesus whether he or his parents sinned.
Jesus says "“Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

This happened - If God causes disability, why would Jesus word it this way? "This happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life" - this same statement could be applied to a ton of things, including sin, which we know God is not the author of.

He never says "because his parents would be such good parents to him."

[DevNAbbyMom]

I totally know where you are coming from. There are many days that I don't feel like I'M in the best interest of my DS. We want the best for our kids....all of them...and many days I don't feel that I am it. I know that God sees differently though. He never expects us to be perfect.....just to love our kids and do the best we can possibly do with them....even on our bad days.

Who knows 100% what is right when asking about if God gives us this child or if the disability happens and then it gives God a way to show us His work. I guess we'll know once we are in His kingdom and it will all make sense. The fact is that God can work through us when we let Him and don't fight against Him by trying to do our own agenda. I don't know how many days I have had to just let go and let God b/c I just couldn't do it anymore. Tuesday was definitely one of those days. The days that are the hardest seems to be the days I am furthest from God.

I just wanted to give you this :console: and say that many of us have all had those days where we just feel overwhelmed and that we don't know what we are doing anymore. That can happen with having any child but add SN into it and things magnify. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now.

[babydolls]

In a short answer, Yes.

:console:

Then, I ask God... "What do You want me to learn in this?"

"What nature of your Son's character do you desire to see developed in me through this?"

"Who will I reach in this world because of this experience?"

Then I remind myself that God's plan for Caleb and me are good... He desires to prosper us, and not to harm us.

And when I'm in a really good place... I remember that tribulation produces character, and character produces hope.

When I lack perspective, I turn to Job... chapter 38, I believe.... It's where God says to Job: "Where where you when I laid the foundations of the earth?" You know what, God has it all under control, and I just need to look at what He has done in the past, and trust that He's got the future settled as well.

[smd]

I am kind of just the opposite. I think that I was given a gift by being given Alaina. She has many challenges that I am here to handle and to grow from. Of course we still have our bad days when my patience is thin and cooperation is almost non existent but in retro-spec I look at the good days as a true blessing. Alaina challenges me in many many ways and I think I turn towards God more because of the challenges I deal with on a daily basis.

As for what Carolyn said I am sorry but I don't get what you mean. Are you saying that because of the sin of man children are challenged. I am confused....

My God is a fair and loving God and in his eyes everyone is equal and there are no disabilities. It is only man that sees another man as being disabled.

[citylights]

My sn child is now 15. Things have definitely gotten better (for me), but for her .... she gets to live with her disabilities every day. :cry:
While it can be frustrating, the other side is ..... God could have taken her but he did not. :clap: I remind dd of this when she is feeling frustrated or sad. She still hurts, but I try to replace that bad thought with a good thought. What else can we do?

I so empathize with where you are, dearheart. :console:
And ya know ... the only true answer we can ever give one another is to point to the truth ... life hurts, but God heals. Sure you hurt ..... we (and especially God) understand that. Have your time (pout, cry out, grieve), but remember the ultimate truth.

You've gotten wonderful replies from the ladies. I just want to add a comment, to address your words ... I get so angry ..... I yell too much .... I don't want to be like that. Hey, I have btdt! Yes .... I've btdt.

How I wish I could sometimes go back for a re-do. Thank God, with God we are given second chances! If you are concerned that your behavior has affected your relationship with your children, you have a golden opportunity right now to make it right with them. If you want to change & not give in to the impulse of yelling & anger, you have a golden opportunity right now to repent from this behavior & invite Jesus into your day, to transform you.

You don't want to teach your children habits that you yourself despise. Somewhere they learned to say, I hate you. It isn't too late to change that. You, as mama, are the teacher ... don't let Satan go there with your children.

Looking back, I didn't slow down nearly as I wish I had. How much better days could have been had I just taken deep breaths & s-l-o-w-e-d my pace. Hindsight is so much clearer than when we're in the thick of it, ya know. So, ask yourself where you can slow down. Pacing yourself is essential when dealing with a sn child .... gosh, when parenting even children who aren't sn!!

I am saying a prayer for you today. :)